Jay's Perspective on Travelling

While Jen has been able to tell everyone about the great experiences that we have been having on this adventure, I need to talk about the darker side of this trip. She has potentially scarred Ben for the rest of his life. Let me explain:

Fact #1: I took Developmental Psychology in college and got a B plus. This means I am uniquely qualified to ascertain the primary emotional needs of our children.

Fact #2: There are three "man travel laws" that must never be violated. #1 Thou shalt not stop and ask for directions - even in China. #2 Bathroom breaks may ONLY coincide with an empty gas tank. #3 Thou shalt not EVER pay overweight baggage charges while flying.

Traumatic event: While in Beijing Airport I was forced to march down the walk of shame and pay excess luggage charges for our traveling circus. The damage can only get worse as we have two more flights within China. Worse yet, I'm the only adult in this family that sees the damage that this could cause to Ben. Within days of leaving the only home he ever knew, the journey is too be marred by the violation of travel law #3. The damage to his psyche could be irreversible. I've come up with a list of "suggestions" for Jen, but have yet to convince her of the dangers. Please keep us in your thoughts as we fly to Southern China tomorrow.......Jay

Ancient City of Pingyao

Okay, before I start this post about Pingyao I have to tell you something... Ben said his first word! He can now wave and say "bye". It is just about the most precious thing I ever did see! He can also shake on command (oh gosh- that makes him sound like a dog!), give high 5's, and clap when we say "yeah." What a smart little guy :)

Now for the day...

We got to sleep in a little bit today and, although the day started really well with some cuddling in the bed (with BEN- you people with your dirty minds!), he was really cranky for the rest of the day. He is a VERY picky eater and was even more so at breakfast when he refused to eat anything but a dumpling and croissant (dude likes his carbs). Even stuff that he devoured yesterday was taken forcibly from his mouth and thrown on the table (dude not afraid of showing an opinion!). He was fussy during the 2 hour drive to Pingyao too. This was just the opposite of yesterday. We were wondering if he was not feeling well or he was tired or thirsty but we could not figure out the problem. We realized what was going on as we watched him STARE at other children in Pingyao- he is grieving for his lost life and his friends. Poor little guy. I never want him to forget about his time in China and the friends that he had there but I also hope that he moves through this phase quickly and as painlessly as possible. It is hard to be a mommy and know that your child is in pain and there is nothing that you can do about it. We just tried to give him extra love and kisses today. We also met Scott and Pam for dinner so Ben got a little dose of Evin to make him feel better.

So, you read above that the drive to Pingyao was 2 hours. Why when it is only about 50 miles away? Well, it is because the road from Taiyuan to Pingyao is absolutely the worst road I have ever seen/rode on in my entire life. The potholes were unbelievable. We literally bounced up and down for an hour. Jay took a video of me holding Ben and almost bouncing out of my seat but China seems to be angry at YouTube tonight so we can't get it to upload (the Great Firewall of China!). If it works tomorrow I will upload it then- it is well worth the view.

As for the Ancient City, it is well worth the visit and was one of the coolest things that I have ever seen. Our guide Linda is not a great adoption guide. She knows NOTHING about children, seems unwilling to help us find food or necessities, forgets to tell us about important things, and kind of muddles through the adoption procedures. But, that woman is worth her weight in gold as a tour guide! She knows EVERYTHING! We have a sneaking suspicion that she is actually a tour guide who was pressed into service when our scheduled guide had a conflict. But, as we look back on the past few days, we have treasured her knowledge of local history so much more than we could have enjoyed her parenting advice! She really is a wonderful tour guide.

Anyway, back to Pingyao... it is an amazing walled city that is home to China's first bank. Many tourists come and tour the bank- Linda gave us the WHOLE story of it's creation and its inner-working. It is huge, filling up a square mile, and the wonderful part of it is that even though it is a UNESCO protected World Heritage Site, it a living, working city where people still live and do business. The architecture is so amazing that after a while you are so overwhelmed with beautiful stuff that you become almost immune to all but the most spectacular! We toured around the many former banks (at one time there were 22 banks there- it is Ancient China's Wall Street!) that have been turned into souvenir shops. When I say "souvenir" I don't mean silly t-shirts and shot glasses. I mean porcelain figurines and vases, painted scrolls, paper-cuts (paper with intricately cut designs in it), furniture, and little metal sculptures of good luck charms. I could SERIOUSLY have stayed there all week! I bought a few things but I totally regret not buying more. I wish we could go back and I recommend making a stop there if you are in the area. It really should not be missed!

We got back from Pingyao at about 6:00 and we met Scott, Pam, and Evin for dinner. We have really enjoyed getting to know them and we will miss them when we leave tomorrow. I am VERY sad to leave Shanxi Province and I am NOT looking forward to Guangzhou. You can take your English-speaking touristy resort and leave me with 5000 years of history any day! I will always have a place for Shanxi Province in my heart and I will always long to come back here and experience its wonders again.

Datong SWI and Yungang Grottoes

Today started with an EARLY drive 3 1/2 hours north to Datong City, the place where Ben was born. We enjoyed the rush-hour ride through Taiyuan, looking at ALL the people riding their bikes around town and kids going to their elementary school (looking very much like American kids- kiss mom, put on backpack, find friends, etc.)

The road to Datong is mostly in a valley between 2 mountain ranges. The haze in the air (read: pollution) made the morning views quite spectacular. Jay went a little crazy with pictures out the window but we are now both glad that we have them to help us remember just what it was like. We went through China's longest tunnel (which, just 3 years ago, cut the drive from Taiyuan to Datong from 9 hours to 3 1/2!), saw parts of the older section of the Great Wall, saw an ancient battlefield, and learned alot about the "Rules of the Road" here in China. There is almost nothing in between the 2 cities other than mountains and farms and we were entranced by the rows and rows of funny looking trees and random side-of-the-road-in-the-middle-of-nowhere sculptures. Ben was being really good, laughing and playing, and we really enjoyed ourselves.

When we arrived at the orphanage (Datong SWI) we were ushered into a beautifully decorated room where we met with the director of the orphanage. He is a really nice and gentle man and we are so pleased to have met him. We talked for a while about the people that I know that he had met before. He was surprised at how many other adopters I knew and told our guide that Ben was lucky to have such a friendly mother :)

After our audience with the director we were taken to the place where the children live. Because of all the pictures I had seen I expected it to be a really big building with big rooms. I was very wrong and everything seemed very tiny. I was especially surprised when they took us into the playroom as that was alot smaller than I imagined it to be. As soon as I walked in I saw Ben's friend Tyler. He is the last of the 4 Dillon "Brothers" to go home. I ran over to him and gave him a big hug. I then asked if it was okay to touch the children- backwards?! The nannies said that it was okay to touch them and Jay and I started a giant love fest. Ben was taken away to be doted upon by his favorite nannies and Jay and I starting playing and hugging all the kids. It really did melt our hearts. Jay was playing peak-a-boo with several energetic boys and I was giving hugs to the little ones in the walkers. Two of the boys were really interested in our camera so we let them take a few photos (they didn't turn out so good!!!). We stayed quite a bit longer than we were "supposed" to and it is an experience that we will never forget. It broke my heart to say goodbye to the children and to the room where our Ben spent most of his first 2 years.

Next week the children at the orphanage will be moving into a brand new building. The staff are VERY proud of it and insisted that we take some pictures after crossing the "construction line." We are not sure why it made a big difference to them as we only actually moved about 3 feet closer to the building but it was so important to them that we obliged.

Next we were ushered into the director's private dining room for lunch. Well, "lunch" may be the biggest understatement of the year- it was an honest to goodness feast! Without our knowledge our guide had called them ahead of time and told them about my condition and when the food was brought out they proudly told me that it was almost all gluten free!!! They had even made me some corn cakes that are old school, old fashioned home cookin! We absolutely stuffed ourselves! I actually felt embarrassed to leave that much food on the table! I wish we had a doggie bag since there was enough wonderful food to feed us for the rest of the trip. We got to meet an older girl who was working in the dining room. She had been abandoned at the orphanage as a baby and she had a cleft lip like Ben (but it has been repaired). She is now too old to be adopted (she is probably 14 or 15 years old) and she seemed sad when they were telling me her story. I told my guide to tell her that she is a very beautiful girl. I have a feeling that no one had ever told her that before. I think I will remember her forever.

We said a reluctant but grateful goodbye to Datong SWI and we headed to the Yungang Grottoes, a World Heritage Site located in Datong City. If anyone is making the trip up to Datong, I highly recommend stopping there. It only takes about an hour and it is well worth the time. The grottoes are about 1500 years old and contain over 50,000 delicately carved Buddhas. Some of the caves are just spectacular and each tells a different story about the ancient history of Shanxi Province. This province is 5000 years old- compare that to America's 200 and it blows you away!

Today was a day that will stay with us for the rest of our lives. I am (slowly!) uploading the photos to shutterfly so if they are not there when you look then check back later.

Tomorrow we are off to the ancient city of Pingyao for site seeing and shopping :)

ps- Ben learned how to wave bye-bye. Too cute!

Everything is official

Today was the big day when everything became officially official! We went back to the government affairs office to do the final paperwork, promise that we would never abuse or abandon Ben, hand over all that cash (as much as it broke Jay's heart to part with that much money he was truly relieved to no longer have that to carry it around all over the place!), sign on the dotted line, and put our red thumb print over our signatures.

If you watch the video you will see the director of the orphanage holding Ben's hand and trying to get him to open it so they could get his handprint on the official adoption decree. It was so cute :) Our friends the Odels had the appointment after us. They said that when we left, the orphanage director broke into tears. Can you believe that?! It is so special to me how much these children really were loved at Datong SWI. It is a special place and we are so blessed that Ben came from there.

As if getting Ben forever was not special enough, while we were waiting for our appointment with the notaries Ben took his first little steps while holding Jay's hand! After so many months of being worried that he would never walk, less than 24 hours after getting him he took some steps- a miracle! I must have screamed out in shock and everyone in the room turned to look at me (and probably wonder why I was so excited about these steps). I said, "No, you don't understand. We were told he might never walk!" Then, everyone shared in our joy!

After leaving the office we convinced our reluctant guide to take us shopping to buy some gifts for the children at the orphanage. We got our first look at at a Chinese Walmart. It looks nothing like an American Walmart! Unless, that is, your walmart has whole frozen fish lying in the open and is about 100 degrees inside!

Because our guide has a habit of dropping us off and saying that she will see us tomorrow :( , the Odel's guide invited us to go with them to a park this afternoon. It was such a beautiful park with a giant lake and lovely green scenery. You could take a picture of the lake from every angle and it would have the most gorgeous backdrop every time (and we did!). Ben enjoyed looking at everything so much that even though he was literally nodding off, he refused to let himself fall asleep lest he miss something good to look at! Jay and I figure that he has processed more information in his brain over the last 24 hours than he has his entire life!

Before we left the park the guide gave us the name of a noodle restaurant. We met the Odels there for dinner and it was a HOOT! We were having a huge language problem- let's just say there were alot of charades involved. The really funny thing was that Pam and I were laughing at ourselves trying to get the message across at the same time that the waitresses were laughing at themselves for not understanding. I can only imagine the spectacle we created for the other patrons! We finally ordered 2 baskets with steamed dumplings, 2 plates of noodles, and 2 large bottles of beer. It was $6!!!!!!!! Yes, we fed 3 adults and 2 hungry children for $6 (with leftovers!). Since the meal was FILLED with wheat, my job was to feed Ben and laugh at the the others while they struggled with their food. Pam and Scott's son Evin put a hurtin on the noodles and Ben polished off quite a few dumplings. The biggest riot of the night came after all of the plates were empty and we were sitting back to enjoy a little conversation before we left. Several minutes after the last bite had been taken, a waitress came over to remove what we later realized to be the top layer of the dumpling baskets. There was whole layer of dumplings underneath!!! So that's what the waitress was trying to tell us when we complained that we had requested 2 orders of dumplings and we had only been brought one! You can take an American out of America but...

Tomorrow will be am exciting, emotional, and LONG day. We will leave our hotel at 7:30am to travel the 3 1/2 hours to Datong. We both think it is so important for us to see where Ben came from and we are really looking forward to it. Hopefully Ben will not have a difficult time going back there and he will enjoy seeing his friends. We will post all of the pictures as soon as we can upload them (which might be next Sunday at the rate things have been going with the internet connection here!).

First Evening Together

Well, Ben never napped! Go figure! On account of this, he was a very tired little guy all evening. The upside of this is that he is SO CUTE when he is tired :) He rubs his little eyes with the back of his hands and makes this a pathetic little moaning sound. Makes you just want to eat him up!

He slept pretty well all night except about 1:00am he woke him self up farting. And, I mean FARTING!!!! I had to try so hard not to giggle so that he could go to sleep! After a while, the coast was clear (so to speak!) and he fell back asleep. It is now 6:00am (the wake-up-time that his nannies gave us) and he is just starting to stir. He does not cry to get up- he just kind of rolls around. Wonder how long it will take him to learn the crying game?!

Well, for our first evening together we learned alot about Ben. For instance:

-It will probably be weeks before he lets go of his teether keyring (although he does not bite it- he just holds it to death and sometimes shakes it if we ask him to)
-Most Chinese kids only like hot (really HOT) milk or water. Ben is okay with room temperature or even chilled
-Most Chinese kids love watermelon and hate oranges (too sour). Ben spit the watermelon right out and gobbled the oranges down
-He loves pork (should get along well with his sister the bacon fanatic) and cereal bars (his brother will appreciate that)
-When he eats his porridge it gets in his nose and I am afraid that he is breathing it in (need to ask the nannies about that one)
-He loves his stacking cups and learned very quickly which order to stack them in (smart guy!)
-Ben can stand if he is holding onto something or someone. This gives us hope for walking in the near future
-When he is tired he chews on the first 2 fingers of his left hand
-He is SUPER DUPER QUIET most of the time except when he is laughing (then he totally lets it out!)
-He can crawl. We learned this by putting him into his first bath. He REALLY did not appreciate it and tried to get himself right out of there :)
-He farts... ALOT

This morning we will go back to the government affairs office and finalize the adoption paperwork. Then he will be officially Benjamin Li Ingersoll forever and ever. After that we are off for some shopping and leisure activities (what, I thought shopping was a leisure activity???).

I uploaded some more pictures to our shutterfly photo album at the top right of the blog.

Oh, by the way, if our favorite dentist Michael Patterson happens to be looking, please ignore the picture of Ben sleeping with the bottle in his mouth. Just pretend that it never happened...

GOTCHA!

Wow- what a day!

We arrived at the government affairs office about 15 minutes before the kids did. We met up with my friend Pam (from our Yahoo group) and we nervously waited (and I mean NERVOUSLY!). Suddenly the door opened and a nanny and the assistant director of the orphanage came in with 2 children. Since Pam's son Evin is older than Ben and his cleft is not as severe, we immediately knew which one was which. Besides that, I recognized Ben immediately from his recent pictures. The nanny introduced Evin to Pam and her husband but she was not giving Ben to me. There was a flurry of conversation between our guide and the assistant director. Then, the assistant director picked up the phone and started talking very quickly. After a few seconds, our guide said, "I'm sorry but they have brought the wrong child. This child is a girl who will be picked up next week. They will bring your son this afternoon." I must have looked at her like she had grown a second head! I said, "No, this is our son. I recognize him." Again there was a flurry of conversation and then they again insisted that this was the wrong child. After another call to the orphanage they finally figured out the problem: right child, wrong paperwork! See, a mother knows her child!!!! And, he is CLEARLY a boy :)

Meeting Ben in person was so wonderful. He did not cry at all and Jay even made him laugh (see video below). He has the most precious laugh! He is actually a little bigger than I imagined him to be. I guess I just prepared myself for him to be super tiny. He is small, don't get me wrong, but he is not super tiny. The 12 month clothes fit him nicely. The nannies handed him a lollipop and he held onto that thing with a death grip. Then our guide handed him a package of rice crackers and he held that in the other hand. It was so funny watching him grip them so tightly! Side note: the lollipop is now in a million pieces after the "Drop it on the Floor" game which was enjoyed by all! He is such a happy, smiley baby and he is really ticklish. He should fit right into our family!

After leaving the government affairs office we came back to our room. He ate his rice crackers and drank almost an entire bottle of strawberry Pediasure. It is so interesting to see how he uses his teeth and tongue to compensate for his cleft when he drinks from his bottle. It was then nap time so we laid him in his bed. For the next hour or so he laughed to himself and checked out his new crib. So much for the nap! We decided to get him up and go for a walk outside. We almost made several crash their bikes since they were staring at him instead of paying attention to the road! We came back to our hotel and had some tea in the lobby. He ate a whole cereal bar (I mean he took that thing DOWN!) and then had a ball helping me clean up the crumbs. He would pick them up and put them in my hand. I would tickle him and say good job- he laughter was echoing in the lobby!

Right now he is laying (awake) next to Daddy (asleep!). I have a feeling that tonight there is going to be an exhausted meltdown but then he is going to sleep HARD.

I posted my favorite pictures in this slideshow but you can see more by clicking on the photo link to the right (which is where I will upload pictures to everyday).

Oh-I forgot to mention, the nannies gave us a list of the 7 meals he eats a day. Yes SEVEN! I don't know how they can feed him that often and he can still be so tiny. I guess we will have to wait and see how much he really eats at dinner tonight!

October 15, 2007 BB (Before Ben)

When I first woke up this morning, the first thing I felt was exhaustion. How could that possibly the alarm? The next thing I felt was rush of adrenaline. It's finally our big day! The next thing was nausea. Wow- too much adrenaline! Now, I am just feeling excited and jittery. My legs are weak. There are butterflies in my stomach. I am nervously walking around our hotel room making sure I have everything I need (for the 20th time!).

We had a very nice breakfast at the hotel this morning. I was able to eat some rice porridge and fried eggs. Are you seeing a theme in my food here? We made friends with our wait staff and are looking forward to their help tomorrow with feeding Ben. Afterwards we took a look at a little book shop in the lobby of the hotel. They had some wonderful books about Chinese antiques and porcelain. Jay can already hear the money flying out the window!

Ben completed his 653rd sleep at the Datong SWI and is in a van making a 3+ hour drive as I type this. We are leaving for the government affairs office in about a 1/2 hour. I thought I was feeling labor pains before- Now I am about to explode!

Made it to Taiyuan

We finally made it to Taiyuan!  Our hotel is very nice and Jay is enjoying our view from the 27^th floor.  We met our guide Linda and our driver Mr. Chow.  I told them that they are going to be tired of us after 5 days but they seemed to think they could handle it- good luck!

 

When we got up to our room there was a baby crib in it.  I have to say that it made me pause and gasp!  I can’t believe that we will have Ben in less than 12 hours!!!!!

 

Well, I better go and get some rest because tomorrow is going to be HUGE :)

 

Oh- I forgot to say that we flew over the Great Wall.  It was so cool to see from the air!

Hello from Beijing Airport

We made it safely to Beijing and we are 4 hours into a 6 hour layover. After a 14 hour flight, this is not exactly what the doctor ordered! We had "dinner" at a restaurant here at the airport. After looking at my handy notecard listing all my diet restrictions, the wait staff determined that I could only have rice and scrambled eggs. Again, not exactly what the doctor ordered!

We are now sitting at the Sunbird Digital Relaxation Harbor. Oh how I have missed Asia! We were able to hook up our computer and watch the Notre Dame game. Okay, that was REALLY not what the doctor ordered! But, we thought it was funny that we were sitting in China watching ND football. My how technology has changed since we moved to Japan 9 years ago :)

Well, we should be in Taiyuan by 10:00 and in bed by midnight. We have a BIG day tomorrow!

We are off!!!!

In a couple hours we will be (hopefully asleep!) on our way to China!!! The bags are all packed (by packed I mean overweight and bulging at the seams!) and my mom has arrived to take over the parenting until we get back. We arrive in Ben's province at about 11:30pm on Sunday and then we will get Ben on Monday. Talk about NO adjustment period for us (reference sleeping comment above!).

We would appreciate any words of encouragement you can send our way and, when we get back, we will print off the comments and add them to Ben's homecoming book.

The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
--- Lao-Tzu